Public speaking Tips

When you are worrying about a giving a presentation, public speaking tips can offer your mind a release from your anxiety. Public speaking tips can help you to focus on a “process” rather than being consumed by your own self-limiting doubts. They can also help you to portray confidence that you can embrace as your experience grows. Over time your public speaking courage will become a natural part of you, but it takes determination and a desire to succeed; this change rarely happens overnight.

These public speaking tips are written using my experience as a qualified teacher/trainer. They also draw from my experience as a Senior Clinical hypnotherapist for Hypnotherapy Cardiff. Use these public speaking tips to guide you if you have never given a presentation before. Alternatively, you may find one of these public speaking tips helps your preparation in your next presentation. Presentations can take various forms. These public speaking tips are aimed at the typical educational setting where you are given a title and required to present information within a set time limit. This information you present could be personal, factual or emotional. The information generally serves to inform the audience or help shape their opinion about making an informed choice in the present or the future.  

Public speaking tips #1: Research your topic

Researching what you are going to talk about is not one of the most exciting public speaking tips to begin with, but it is an important one. Your presentation could be a disaster if you (or your personality) don’t fall into the following categories: • You ooze self-confidence and love being the centre of attention. It doesn’t matter what you speak about, you just relish the opportunity to be on stage. Even if you messed up, you wouldn’t notice because you possess a hardened exterior called arrogance. • You have developed and mastered your presentation character/role. This allows you to think on your feet and you seamlessly move from one topic to another. You could wax lyrical about anything • You are an expert in your field and can talk for hours because you are qualified and knowledgeable. • All of the above! If you are new to public speaking, given time you can become one or all of the above. In the meantime, research your subject until it you have enough content to play with.  

Public speaking tips #2: Keep your presentation relevant to your aim

What’s that, you don’t have an aim? Then how will you know what is relevant? Ok, so this is a bit of a chicken and egg situation. This really does depend on whether you have been given a presentation with strict criteria to follow or an open-ended title in which you are required to make the decision for yourself. If you have been given the criteria to follow, keep reminding yourself of the meaning behind the criteria. Keep using this in every stage of the process because there’s nothing worse than talking about something that is a million miles away from the title. It is also important to identify any marking structure. The higher the marks allocated to a topic, the more likely you are to devote your time to these topics. If the title is open-ended e.g. Pop music, then give your presentation a direction (your aim) such as “number one hits by (a certain) pop group”. You simply can’t cover every fact in a short presentation. Give a statement of your aim at the beginning with possible subheadings. These can include a few ground rules e.g. asking questions at the end rather than throughout the presentation. You may even give a statement of what you “won’t” present because of certain limitations e.g. time. Factors that can influence your aim include: • Temporal factors: Such as the time you have to prepare (and take into account other obligation), the duration of the presentation or your other obligations that might intrude on this project. • Situational factors: This can include the availability of resources e.g. microphone and lectern, the layout of the room and the size of your audience. • Personal factors: Such as your subject-knowledge, confidence, voice projection, use of non-verbal gestures etc. The more you know about these factors, the more you can shape the precise intentions of your aim.  

Public speaking tips #3: Identify an objective for your audience

Some of these public speaking tips clearly overlap. This one has direct links with public speaking tips #2. Your aim is what you intend to do in your presentation. Your objective considers what your audience will be able to do by the end of your presentation. If your presentation is about your formal one-sided communication of information (i.e. only you speaking), then your objective may simply be about your audience hearing/understanding you and being informed about some facts. One important question to keep asking yourself is “How do I know that they..?” in this case “...can hear me/understand me?” The answer to this might depend on what kind of feedback is available? Are they looking puzzled throughout? Are they laughing at your jokes? What type of questions do they ask at the end? Are you being graded (formal feedback)? The feedback could be immediate or post presentation. An objective is made clearer when it can be expressed in behavioural terms. “Understanding” is not a behavioural objective because the audience may not have been required to do anything to understand. They can just sit there and passively listen.

The feedback may not be known until sometime after the presentation. This is where the objective might be sales-based e.g. gaining 10 sales of your product or service within a month. Or maybe your presentation is influencing your audience to make a decision e.g. vote about a policy you are advocating in the next election. In a didactic situation e.g. teaching or training, the process can include an assessment of the behavioural outcome e.g. the audience needs to write an essay on the content of your presentation. Depending on the value of the essays (feedback), you then evaluate the whole process and make adjustments to your presentation or lesson.  

Public speaking tips #4: Give your presentation a beginning, middle and end

Structuring your content is essential for clarity. Without statements of intent (or limitation), the presentation can appear vague and disjointed. The audience have no concept of your direction or won’t know their involvement in the process. The first stage in public speaking tips #4 is the introduction. This can include some of the following points where they are relevant: • A welcome - Stating who you are, qualifications and experience, situation (“I have been asked to give a presentation by the...”) • State your aim – See public speaking tips #2. “The aim of this presentation is ...” • State any limitations affecting your presentation – Stating what you will not be presenting helps the audience recognise the emphasis you are giving to your presentation. • State any methods you are using: Are you discussing or describing your content? Are you using any visual aids that help your audience anticipate their involvement? This can be an extension of the aim “The aim of the presentation is to compare styles of pop music between two decades. I will be playing some pop music from those decades to demonstrate my analysis.” • State any objective for the audience: See public speaking tips #3. “I would like you to listen to the various styles of music. Please give a vote at the end of your preferred choice.” The next stage in public speaking tips #4 is the middle section. This consists of the main points of the presentation. The main points need to be organised, logical and relevant to the aim. Ideally, your points will be enhanced with additional information and/or visual aids (pictures or diagrams). Following the example used of the pop music presentation, pictures of the pop bands and audible aids (music or video) would complement the presentation and help make it more captivating. Include linking statements sometimes called “signposts” that help the presentation to coherently flow from one point to another. They act as bridging statements and can be used to build rapport with your audience. Signpost statements can: • Summarise what you have just done - “Now that I have discussed...” • Emphasise what you are going to do - “The next section of my presentation will...” • Clarify the importance of a point by linking it back to the aim – “You will notice the statement made by...” Signposts can be created by changing the pitch of your voice e.g. starting a new point with a raised tone of voice. Signposts can also be non-verbal but still serve to navigate the audience through your presentation. They can include moving from one part of the room to another, creating a short pause, switching equipment on or off and glancing at another part of the audience. The last stage of public speaking tips #4 is the end section, sometimes called the conclusion. The end section can make the following points: • Re-emphasise your aim and objective – “In the presentation, I have aimed to... you can now...” • Summarise your main points “I hoped to have been able to show that...” • Mention any closing remarks – For example, thank the audience, inform them of what is happening next, tell them about any exit procedures or a “call to action” regarding further information “Please help yourself to the information booklets..." or “contact me for further help...” • An opportunity for the audience to ask questions – Where appropriate, leave time for questions about any topics presented. Remember that it is better to admit that you don’t know something and be prepared to research the answer for them, than to bluff the way through with a vague answer.  

Public speaking tips #5: Learn how to breathe to control your anxiety

Knowledge and experience can build self-confidence. Along your presentation journey, some useful breathing techniques can help release your anxiety: • In anticipation of a presentation – Use breathing techniques to help you relax when your presentation anxieties “appear” in your mind. Worries have a habit of popping into your mind whilst doing other routine activities. • During the presentation – Breathing techniques can calm your nerves throughout the presentation. Think of it as a useful “vent” when tension builds up. • After the presentation – It can seem like a relief that you would rather not replay in your mind, but “putting the presentation away” can help you build confidence for the next presentation. Use breathing techniques and visualisation to process what you have done well with a feeling of achievement. Then “over trace” the parts that didn’t go so well, imagining your return, tackling any errors that you made. This process can affect how and where you “store” the presentation in your mind. Better to learn from it, than to run away from it! A common problem associated with anxiety is the development of psychosomatic symptoms. These can include shortness of breath, palpitations, blushing, profuse sweating, dryness and constriction in the throat, involuntary tremors in the hand, tendency to stammer, IBS etc. The anxiety sufferer then worries that these symptoms are visible to the audience and desperately tries to conceal them. They are more preoccupied with their psychosomatic symptoms than with the task in hand. Breathing can act as the anxiety diffuser that alleviates the symptoms, allowing you to focus on your presentation. Learn how to breathe now! Learning to breathe outside of any external distraction is essential to being able to control your anxiety. You can then begin to use these breathing techniques in progressively more stressful situations. Thus developing breathing techniques is part of your preparation. Actually, it’s part of how you manage your lifestyle! The use of breathing techniques can be considered a self-hypnosis. This is explained below in public speaking tips #6.  

Public speaking tips #6: Rehearse and visualise your presentation

Here’s a quick summary of where you should be: • Once you have written the content of your presentation, check that it matches your assessment criteria. • Amend any content so that it is relevant to the aims and objectives. • Organise the layout so that it has a distinct beginning, middle and end. • Adjust the content so that it fits into any time constraints. With most of the boxes being ticked, you can now practise (rehearse) your presentation. Some people like to start with a script and condense it down to a few key points. This will involve familiarising some of the content so that keywords can be placed on a hand-sized card/bullet points in PowerPoint. This “condensing” process can help you to recall some of the material from the notes yet still maintain the planned structure (since it’s easy to lose your place!) The condensing stage is important because it stops you “reading from a script” with your head and eyes in your notes throughout the whole presentation.

Now that you are familiar with the content, visualise giving a confident presentation. That’s right, close your eyes for a moment, take a deep breath and imagine being in the situation with everything going well. So, imagine all that you would talk about, feel and see in your audience. Thinking positively means just that! Many people “think” they are thinking positively, when all they are doing is taking their mind to the place that they don’t want to go! Most “positive” thinking in default mode ends up reinforcing the negatives, or it involves anxious worrying about a situation. The process of positive visualisation (thinking) involves giving your mind something to focus on. You can work towards this image by converting your internal (anxiety) symptoms and what is happening around you into positive outcomes. When you are anxious what happens? • Breathing is rapid and short – visualise giving your presentation breathing slowly and deeply and at regular intervals. • Voice becomes quiet and throat feels constricted – visualise speaking with a loud multi-tonal voice and the throat feeling relaxed. • Legs feel like jelly and hands shake – visualise your legs feeling strong and hands feeling relaxed. And so on... Then visualise converting some of your “external” anxieties: • The audience look bored – visualise the audience looking interested and stimulated by your content and use of voice control. Imagine them being on your side! • You fear losing your place – visualise using a prompt card that helps you to move seamlessly from one point to another. • You fear some technology not working – visualise keeping calm and apologising for the “technical issue”. Explain what your audience would have seen as a contingency plan. Visualisation and rehearsals can be done in front of a mirror. You may even wish to practise using a video camera or a trustworthy audience (e.g. your family). With each rehearsal you will build up a positive template and expectation for how you will present on the actual day. This has the effect of lowering your anticipatory anxiety and helps you to feel like the presentation is a natural part of what you do.  

Final public speaking tips

Some of these public speaking tips are summarised in the previous points. Other public speaking tips you will acquire with experience as your confidence grows: • Use memory prompts – A well-rehearsed presentation will flow smoothly. Learn your material until a keyword prompts a sentence or paragraph about that topic. Effective use of PowerPoint or visual aids can also help this process but are secondary to the dialogue you use through your presentation. If you are quoting some complex dialogue, ensure you glance up at the audience at regular intervals. • Project your voice – Develop a “presentation voice” that is loud, multi-tonal, and moderately paced with effective pauses. Recording and listening to your own voice can help you develop your “presentation voice” Your pitch can be maximised when you involve your diaphragm muscles. Imagine speaking to someone in the room next door! That doesn’t mean shouting, but the focus of your voice should be in your abdomen rather than straining your vocal chords. Varying the tone in your voice can help stimulate interest in your audience. Learn to raise and lower the tone of your voice to emphasise and de-emphasise certain parts of your presentation. Vary the pace of your dialogue. If you are anxious, you are likely to speak quickly, so the general advice is to slow down. Momentary pauses can generate a feeling of confidence. Coordinate your relaxed breathing with your voice projection. • Develop a stage presence – This is something that grows with your experience and your confidence. It includes certain points already mentioned such as the content of your presentation and the way you have organised it. It also includes non-verbal aspects of communication such as: Eye contact – Your eye contact can be used to give each person a feeling of importance. Staring at one person in particular can feel intimidating, so pan across your audience slowly in a gentle rotation, as if you want to acknowledge each person present. It’s easy to give too much importance to people in the middle of the audience, so try not to ignore people in the corners of the room. Posture – How you stand/sit can set the tone of your presentation. Standing tall behind a lectern (when there is one available) can be appropriate for a more formal presentation. It gives you somewhere to place your notes whilst still facing the audience. Where the situation is didactic, some people prefer to stand without a “barrier”. Sometimes, sitting on a table can emphasise the informality of the situation. Your movement around the stage can also create a feeling of confidence. Some “purposeful” steps can help counter the tendency to stand rigid when feeling anxious. Facial expressions – A (genuine) smile can indicate that you are comfortable and enjoying what you do. The audience will feed off your body language, helping to put them at ease.

Hand gestures – Hand gestures can help you to appear animated and interesting. Use a few gestures (but not too many) to emphasise any visual aids. Some psychologists believe that “open hand” gestures can communicate that you are open and honest. Some animation can be better than remaining completely still. Seeing a video of you speaking can be a good way of developing stage presence in the long term. A video can also help identify and reduce any communication “annoyances” e.g. excessive use of hand gestures. Organise your stage – How you arrange the stage and seating (where appropriate) will create a formal or informal atmosphere. As you grow in confidence, organise the stage in the way that helps your communication. Can any visual aids be seen by your audience? You won’t always be able to choose the layout in every venue but it helps to have a concept when you can arrange the stage yourself. • Break down any barriers with your audience – Finding out something about your audience can help you to tailor your presentation to their needs. What is their prior knowledge or learning about this subject? Do they all work for the same organisation? Has the advert targeted a specific need? This information can help you to build rapport with your audience with references to their “group” that they might find interesting. Barriers can also be broken down by speaking to individual members of your audience before and after the presentation. Any feedback that is returned can help you to develop your presentation in the long term. If your presentation is aimed at your peer group as part of an assessment, then find something refreshing to add to the presentation even if it’s some light humour (but keep it to the presentation aim). Hearing numerous presentations on the same topic can be repetitive. Involving members of the audience can be a good way of keeping their interest and keeping the presentation informal. Think of your audience as being on your side; this will ease your anxiety. Surprisingly, they want you to succeed. Giving them a welcome can help put them at ease. • Have some contingency plans – Plan for things to go well, first and foremost. But keep a few back-up plans with solutions in case something goes wrong. A technology failure is rare, but can happen. You can only then do your best to make amends. Apologise for this and then if it means you rely on written notes, then use them! It’s amazing how “character building” situations like this can be. You can’t cover every eventuality, but when left to think on your feet, it serves to... • Believe in yourself – Confidence comes with achievement. If you have never given a presentation, then transfer the feeling of confidence from any other successes you have had in your life. Rehearse the affirmation “I can do this!” as part of your preparation.   Public speaking is a continuous journey of learning. Give your presentation, then assess and review your performance. Make changes and try something new when the perceived risk is low. That way, if it goes wrong, it won’t be the end of the world! Public speaking tips can help give you feedback and freshen your strategies. Public speaking tips can remind you that different approaches are required for different situations.   More information: Fear of public speaking: Causes and treatment Fear of public speaking and social anxiety  

For further information on public speaking tips and treating your fear of public speaking in Cardiff, contact Hypnotherapy Cardiff

Anger Hypnosis

Anger Management in Cardiff

What is anger?

Anger is a basic and normal human emotion that you can feel on a daily basis. Anger is not problematic in its milder form of irritability; feeling angry is nature’s way of telling you that you have perceived a threat, a wrong-doing or an injustice.  Uncontrolled and persistent anger however can be harmful. It can be detrimental to the individual’s health, and damage family, social and working relationships. When anger is unrestrained, it can show itself in situations where innocent people can be hurt or even killed. Examples can include road rage, domestic abuse, and individual and gang violence. With anger, property can be damaged with complete disregard.  

What happens when you are angry?

Anger is a heightened state of arousal that prepares you to deal with perceived threats. When you are angry, stress hormones are released to alter the functioning of your mind. Your mind is alerted to the perceived threat in a distorted way. The rational intelligence normally used to handle situations is swallowed up by a primitive “caveman” logic to either attack or be defeated. Your body also responds to the stress hormones. Adrenaline and cortisol are released into the body, increasing your heart rate and causing your breathing to become more rapid and shallow. Non-essential functions like digestion are de-prioritised. Blood flow is diverted to voluntary muscles as if preparing you to go into battle and strike out. With higher levels of anger you are a machine poised to deal with the perceived threat with very basic “animal” instincts. Not all anger is primitive however. You can get angry and then rationally evaluate the most appropriate response. Even when anger is moderate or calculated, these same physical reactions can still take place. But there is more interpretation and analysis of how the situation is affecting you and how you externally want to deal with it. Cognitive processes help you to assess the injustice of the situation. Behavioural processes consider how you express the anger. It can include changes in your facial expressions and posture. Physical expressions involve acts of aggression towards people and property e.g. slamming doors. Your verbal expression of anger can include speaking more forcefully and quickly, with a raised tone.  

Where does anger come from?

Anger is a basic human emotion. How angry you are, how you process your anger and how long anger persists after a experiencing a threat can vary between individuals. Your anger level is also influenced by a number of internal, social/cultural and situational variables. Internal factors: Most studies consider anger to be a secondary emotion and a response to pain and fear. Thus it is generally believed that anger is learned rather than something you are born with.  However, there is some evidence that pregnant mothers exposed to stress can affect the developing foetus’ own stress response system and influence the child’s own temperament. This would support the view that you can be born predisposed to certain emotions like anger, as if setting up a template of emotion. What you learn after birth will then reinforce this template. Early developmental issues in the young child affect communication skills and can create a general disposition to be angry throughout your life. Being able to verbally express your anger in a calm way becomes a frustrating experience and is replaced by aggression. Social/Cultural factors: Your emotional template is mainly developed from your parents and family culture. How your family deal with anger can teach you what is an appropriate way to express your own anger.  This continuous transfer of anger culture would suggest that it can remain in families through generations. Cultural factors can also affect gender differences with expressing anger within the family and in wider social groups. Stereotypically, men are encouraged to express their aggression to assert their masculinity particularly in youth culture, whereas women are discouraged from displaying their aggression to appear more feminine. Women tend to talk about their feeling of anger and stay angry for longer. Hormonal differences may explain some of these gender variations. Situational factors: The specific situation can trigger different levels of anger in different people. Take for example being stuck in a traffic jam. The level of anger you experience can depend on

• The reason for the traffic jam

  

• The importance of the journey
• Your relationship with the other people at your destination
• Your ability to communicate to those people the reason for your delay
• The disposition and needs of your passengers etc.

But there are also wider issues that affect your handling of the situation. Consider your general emotional history with anger and with previous traffic jams. Then take into account irritations that day and those bigger stressful events that are affecting you. You can appreciate the complexity of these variables that may be dealt with calmly or with rage.  

What affects the intensity of your anger?

When classifying anger, a scale of 1 to 10 is commonly applied to rate the degree of anger felt or expressed. At the lower levels there is irritation and aggravation, at the upper levels hostility, aggression and rage. Revenge (as a form of anger) can be used at all levels. The intensity of your anger is dependent on the history, internal, external and situational factors:

• Your history of anger and history of the event
• Your general disposition and current stress levels
• Background cultural factors
• How much you rate the severity of the perceived threat
• The relationship with the perpetrator and their apparent intentions
• Your analysis of the circumstances surround the event

 

What can cause you to get angry?

Modern living rarely needs the primitive “fight or flight” anger response that our ancestors once used for survival. The threat of survival has evolved into the threat of losing one’s self-esteem. How you define your esteem can mean different things to different people. But modern anger is usually stimulated when there is a perceived threat to:  

• Your physical well-being - The aftermath of an attack can create a deep feeling of anger to get your revenge on your attacker and level the score.
• Your self-image and social status - This can be defined as how you see yourself and how you believe others see you. A nasty comment that defames you can cause anger particularly when it is untrue. It can have an impact on your reputation.  

Anger is also common when a threat affects your social position. A negative life change like a demotion or redundancy at work can create anger particularly when you believed that you were performing well in your job.

• Your family - When your child is being bullied at school, anger can be a response to your own feeling of helplessness. Naturally, you would want to protect them from harm, but you are not able to be present in every situation.
• Your social group - A criticism given to the football team you support or pop group that you like can spark a verbal or physical argument. Youth culture is known for having a strong social group identity that links with one’s self image.
• Your property - Your possessions can act as extensions of your identity.  The sentimental or monetary value of possessions often defines people. The modern car is an example of how some people like to present their image. Damage the car and you damage the owner’s ego.
• Your boundaries - You like to know the rules that govern what you can and can’t do. When you know where you stand in life, you feel safe even if you don’t agree with the rule in principal. When a change takes place, you can feel angry. A teenager who has a curfew set by their parents can feel angry about the rule change if it does not equate with his/her offence. “It’s not fair” is a common angered response.
• Your privileges - Losing something that helps you to feel special or that gives you some advantage can invoke an angered response. Cuts made in work organisations create “hot” air in the staffroom. The mistake that generates the anger may be caused by taking the privilege for granted in the first place.

The anger felt in the above situations can be stimulated prior to the event, during the event and for some time after the perceived threat has been dealt with. Some anger persists for years after an event. Long-term suppressed anger can act as a trigger for unexplained outbursts of emotion in the present. When you know that situations trigger your anger, you can avoid situations in the future as way of trying to cope.

Types of anger

Anger can take various forms. Some types are overt, but the more hidden forms of passive anger are not always recognised so easily.

• Behavioural anger: This type of anger is used to describe someone who is physically expressive with their anger regardless of the trigger. It includes acts of physical violence and abuse.

• Verbal anger: This type of anger is used to describe someone who is verbally expressive  with their anger regardless of the trigger. When this anger is used maliciously, this type of person can be insulting and critical of others, destroying their self esteem. Facial and postural gestures accompany verbal anger.

  

• Persistent anger: This describes people who tend to be angry with life in general. There is no apparent trigger, just a continuous exhibition of anger. The expression can be verbal or behavioural, intense or mild. You know where you stand with this person.

• Explosive anger:  This person would be defined as volatile. They can explode with rage for no apparent reason and then be calm. They are unpredictable and may choose innocent victims. Their anger can be verbal or behavioural.

• Critical anger: This verbal anger aims to judge and others and point out their mistakes. The comments make others feel ashamed and embarrassed about themselves or their abilities.  Other people’s self-esteems are destroyed in an attempt to repair their own scarred self-esteem.

• Passive anger: This subversive form of anger uses sarcasm to hide suppressed anger e.g. saying “now what type of brain were you born with?” The angry person tries to disguise sarcasm by saying that the offended person is just being sensitive. Passive anger can also take the form of avoidance to get back at someone e.g. not attending an invitation to a party at the very last moment.  Someone who favours passive anger likes to avoid confrontation. Or passive anger can be “expressed” by giving the silent treatment e.g. after a row with your partner. Saying nothing may be the better option than saying something that is offensive. But it is still an indication that you are angry.

• Distressed anger: This anger is a reaction to overwhelming distress in this person’s life. They are not coping with some of the bigger life changes like a new job or a break up in a relationship. They are constantly tense and lash out at people when any extra demands are placed upon them. The anger is a general reflection of high stress levels.

• Vindictive anger: This is probably the most common form of anger. The “injured” party seeks to get “even” after a perceived threat. It can take the form of direct “tit-for-tat” behaviour or by indirect forms of revenge where you withhold something that they may need.

• Self-directed anger: This form of anger accompanies self-blame, self-harm and low self-esteem. A person who uses this anger struggles to be assertive and handle situations confidently. They see view most situations as major conflict. So the only way to turn is inwards directing the anger at oneself. Examples of punishment include eating disorders and cutting oneself.

• Calculated Anger: When someone isn’t getting their way, they use anger as a way to over-power the other people in the situation. They may be defined as “control-freaks” who expect people to comply with their orders. When someone protests about their plans, it intensifies their anger.

• Suspicious anger: This person feels angry because they are jealous of others and are paranoid that other people will take what “belongs” to them. This jealous anger typically surfaces in relationships. The angry person has trust issues and tries to possess their partner. When their partner is seen innocently talking to other people, they are accused of flirting and face accusations of infidelity.

• Constructive anger: On a personal level, this type of anger is about being assertive. It considers the needs of all parties in the situation. Constructive anger emphasises communication and negotiation to resolve situations and reduce any future disharmony. On a group and organisational level, it aims to make positive change from situations, decisions or actions that have been mismanaged. Examples include the formation of movements, unions and associations.

Unresolved anger can create long-term health issues similar to high stress levels. It includes heart problems, hypertension, depression, anxiety, low immunity-related conditions like flu and IBS.  

Treatment for anger using hypnotherapy

For many people, anger can seem like an internal eruption that is out of control. Any habitual response develops that way, particularly when you have been subjected to abusive anger as a child. Changing the way you express your anger can help protect your relationships, your career and your health. Hypnotherapy can help you deal with your anger at different levels. Hypnotherapy is more than just a way of relaxing. There are a number of steps that can help you to change your expression of anger: Understand the nature of your anger: There are very few situations where anger is just about anger. When it is related to the present situation, it is dealt with in a controlled manner. Most of the time, anger is a response to suppressed underlying issues that you are not ready to deal with or may not want to want to deal with. Your anger acts as a front to a deeper pain. Fear of rejection, worthlessness, embarrassment, shame, and jealousy are some of emotions that can fuel anger. These issues can relate back to childhood. Without understanding the background, your attempt to control it will seem as if you are swimming against the tide. When a small wave comes along, it’s enough to knock you back without the energy to control it. There are many situations that can signal that your anger is about something else. One situation is when you struggle to admit that you are wrong and will aggressively defend your viewpoint. You fail to compromise because you fear that you will be judged as inadequate. When anger is your way of life this can also indicate that there is something else that is sustaining your anger. Identify your anger warning signs and triggers: Deep-rooted negative beliefs and can act as catalysts to your anger. They can rapidly take you from being in control to out of control. When you over-generalise, you will consider one threatening situation to mean this happens to you all day, every day. The angry person exaggerates by saying “this always happens to me!” Narrowing your internal choices by using modal verbs (have to, should, must) can also cause anger.  You can probably recall situations when you have said “I’ve got to complete this by today.” You have then built up anger when you haven’t met these demands. Anger can be triggered when you convince yourself about a negative event without getting all of the evidence. Typical situations include mis-reading an expression on somebody’s face and then thinking catastrophic consequences. Who is responsible of your emotions? You are responsible. And when you take ownership of your emotions, you are in a better position to control and change them.  But a blame culture has mistakenly encouraged placing the responsibility for your feelings on someone else. This can easily trigger your anger when you share this view. It’s a common phrase when people say that “you made me angry, it’s your fault!” Only they can reset your emotions when you feel angry or anything else. It’s a disempowering outlook to have in life and is likely to short-fuse your anger when someone else makes a mistake. Some of these anger triggers can be physical stress responses that take you over your body. Feeling the tightness in your abdomen and chest, your heart racing and rapid breathing can transform a calm temperament into an angry one. By recognising some of these signs that your anger is building, you can take active steps to make changes before the anger escalates. You may already know certain people, places or situations that can trigger your anger. But rather than blaming them, identifying how they affect you can help you choose how you interact. You may avoid certain topics of conversation with aggressive people because it generates anger. Avoidance can be a useful short-term fix for many situations, but it can help you manage your emotions during times of general stress. Learn ways to keep calm: When you understand the nature of your anger and can identify the signs and triggers, you can then learn ways to deal with your anger before it hits the upper limits. There are certain methods that are helpful at in the heat of the moment. They include deep breathing exercises and developing the courage to walk away from the scene. Anger that persists after the event can benefit by evaluating the importance of the situation and the way it is impacting on your emotions. What else can I do about the situation? Can I communicate my anger in a more constructive way? What outcome do I really want? These questions can help you divert your mind away from unnecessary aggression. An ongoing situation that angers you requires constant anger and stress management. Breathing techniques and progressive relaxation can help reduce physical tension. Frequent exercise is another way of venting these symptoms. Develop constructive ways to express your anger: When you recognise that your anger is worthy of the situation and that there is a way to resolve it, you can then direct your anger in a more constructive and assertive way. Focusing on the immediate situation prevents you from bringing up past irrelevant issues. It also minimises blame. If the situation allows for you to reflect on it, walk away and explore all of the possibilities. Consider if there are any ways to create a win-win situation. This will help to preserve long-term relationships. The other person will be grateful that you are valuing their needs. If you are particularly angry and intend to confront this situation head on, evaluate whether it is worth the emotional intensity. Being selective with your conflicts will help others note your seriousness rather than it being “yet another tantrum!” By being selective, it can also help you to appreciate when it’s better to let something go. Courageously walking away from anger can be considered as a “win”, particularly when you have evaluated how much a situation can draw on your long-term resources. When you have walked away from the situation, it can give you (and the other party) an opportunity to assess the value of the relationship. An apology can restore broken relationships when it is genuine. Forgiveness can then be considered where an on-going workable partnership is in both the party’s interests.

Hypnotherapy: When is professional help needed to treat your anger?

Hypnotherapy can be an effective way to treat your anger, although it is unlikely that you willseek hypnotherapy for occasional irritability. Some of the warning signs that your anger is out of control include: · Anger is affecting your relationships. Aggressive (verbal and physical) behaviour canbe detrimental to close family relationships and friendships. Self esteems can be destroyed when you are taking out your frustration on people close to you. It can shatter the confidence and feeling of security of those who witness your anger.

· Anger is affecting your job

Competitive work situations and unnecessary change can create anger in your workplace. When you are an angry boss, it may scare your staff into completing their tasks, but it can harm relationships, affect job satisfaction cause unnecessary health issues.

· Your anger is creating constant physical tension

Suppressed anger or unresolved anger from long-term issues can cause insomnia, high blood pressure and depression. There are numerous other health issues that can develop when it left unchecked.

· Your anger is causing you to physically strike out at people.

Physical violence that stems from rage is a clear indicator that some professional help is required. It may help you from being arrested.

· You avoid too many situations because of your anger

Some tactical avoidance may help you to manage your anger in situations where there is a strong trigger. Avoiding too many situations in fear of an outburst however means that anger is still dominating your life.  

How can Hypnotherapy help your anger?

Much of the anger that is expressed at a particular moment has an unconscious association. If it was conscious, you would control easily by yourself. Hypnotherapy can treat your anger in the following ways:

· Hypnotherapy can help you understand the nature of your anger

Hypnotherapy can be used to identify relevant past traumas that are surfacing when you are angry. By re-framing the emotion behind your past traumas, hypnotherapy allows you to be more focused on and in control of the current situation. You can then feel released to deal with the situation constructively and express your anger calmly. Suppressed criticism and feelings of worthlessness can be an example of a typical past trauma treated with hypnotherapy. With hypnotherapy, your mind can make the important link to what generates your anger.

· Hypnotherapy can help you identify your anger warning signs and triggers

Hypnotherapy can help you to identify your internal and external signs and triggers. Anger can seem like an “either or reaction”. One moment you are dealing with the situation and then the next moment you are boiling over with rage. When it happens unconsciously, trying to analyse it afterwards can seem a little too late. With hypnotherapy, the intense visualisation allows your mind to revisit the situations as if being there in slow motion. Depending on the hypnotherapy techniques used, the hypnotherapy consultation can ensure that you are detached enough to learn from the experience without feeling re-traumatised. Hypnotherapy can also employ symptom reversal techniques to alter the physical reactions that can generate your anger.

· Hypnotherapy can help you to stay calm

Hypnotherapy has the advantage over other therapies because the relaxation techniques are part of the hypnotherapy induction. When stress levels are high, you are generally more irritable and your potential to learn is inhibited. But more importantly, hypnotherapy can plant effective calming techniques into your anger ritual, positively disrupting the negative chain-reaction. Hypnotherapy also incorporates breathing techniques into the anger programme which is suggested by most anger management therapists.

· Hypnotherapy can help you develop constructive ways to express your anger

Hypnotherapy can help you to react more calmly and bring your anger under control. You can then learn to appreciate the demands of the situation and the people involved. Hypnotherapy can help you to walk away from the situation or help you to focus intensely on solutions for both parties. Being assertive ensures that the needs of each person are taken into account. Use hypnotherapy as your preferred choice of treatment for your anger issues. Each hypnotherapy programme is individualised for your emotional and behavioural transformation. Benefit from hypnotherapy to treat your anger.

For further information on treating anger in Cardiff using hypnotherapy, contact Hypnotherapy Cardiff

Coping with Anxiety

Anxiety Cardiff

These practical ‘coping with anxiety tips’ are a starting point to lift you out of your ceaseless cycle of worry and place you into somewhere brighter, ready to embrace life. They have been written using experience from my hypnotherapy practice in Cardiff. The majority of my hypnotherapy patients have anxiety-related issues. Quite often it is the main focus of their therapeutic goal. Anxiety is the apprehension about something that is you think is going to happen. It is usually based on something that has gone wrong before. That past situation is now buried in the depths of your mind, yet it feeds into your irrational prediction that the outcome is going to all go wrong again. Let’s face it; in reality, it hardly ever happens that way. But the past event lies there to protect you from danger (fight or flight response) with such force, that it disables you with inaction. Your mind is stuck in worry mode and it needs help coping with anxiety. So, what can you do? Here are my practical ‘coping with anxiety tips.’  

Coping with anxiety tip #1: Learn to breathe

This is a fundamental ‘coping with anxiety tip’. It’s something that you just “do” and you have heard people say it in passing, “take a deep breath.” But breathing properly to reduce anxiety is something that few can master with effect. When someone around you is anxious, pay attention to where they are breathing from. It’s likely to be high in the chest. Then consider how quickly they are breathing. They will be ventilating with short, rapid breaths. This can prolong the feelings of anxiety and make your symptoms worse. Learning to breathe for relaxation has the effect of calming the nervous system and lowering the stress responses. Read this article on breathing techniques to reduce anxiety for more details. Once you have begun to use breathing techniques, you can learn to centre your mind. In a more relaxed state, it’s easier to access other resourceful ‘mind’ techniques that can help you when coping with anxiety. In a hypnotherapy course, this is a core technique that is incorporated into the early part of the hypnotherapy treatment. View it as life-skill beyond hypnotherapy. It is useful for coping with anxiety and many more emotional states.  

Coping with anxiety tip #2: Do some physical activity

Did I say the ‘E’ word? No, that’s because exercise (oops, I said it!) doesn’t have to be a regimented activity in the gym. If it is and you enjoy it, then go ahead and do some. You may be someone who likes your exercise to be self-directed. So you go on each exercise station problem solving or exorcising (pun intended!) your worries whilst doing something repetitive. Have you noticed how some people sit at an exercise station, daydreaming until someone walks past and “wakes” them into their next set of repetitions? This happens with any activity that has a repeated movement like running or swimming. For those with muscular tension, any activity that has an increased level of effort involved like using weights or circuit training can release physical tension associated with anxiety. Combining these elements with something competitive can help your mind to be absorbed in something else. This can be by playing a racquet sport with a friend. You may even employ a personal trainer who helps to personalise the “no pain, no gain” process. If “exercise for exercise sake” just seems pointless, then physical activity can be disguised as something more sociable and fun. Try dancing, swimming, brisk walking and chatting with a friend, or try something as part of a hobby like light gardening. What is important with the physical activity is that you place extra physical demand on your cardiovascular system. This in turn will trigger more forceful breathing so that the diaphragm muscle is brought into play. This breathing response links with ‘coping with anxiety tip #1’. You are again breathing abdominally, but the exercise is initiating the relaxation response rather than it being a conscious process. In my hypnotherapy consultations, my hypnotherapy patients who exercise say that it helps them when coping with anxiety and releasing physical tension. They feel much better after having done some physical activity. Coming from a health, fitness and coaching background, I would recommend exercise as part of a healthy lifestyle. It’s more than just a ‘coping with anxiety tip’.  

Coping with anxiety tip #3: Have some useful distractions

This ‘coping with anxiety tip’ is useful when you are worrying about a problem that can’t be resolved right away and you can get stuck in worry ‘mode’. This situation can be made worse when there is nothing else to focus on. The aim is to centre your attention on something that can absorb your mind just enough to leave anxiety where it is. This does not mean fill every moment with activity however. Coping with anxiety directly is something quite different. This is just another way to temporarily manage your anxiety by ‘stepping out’ of it, aware that it will be dealt with at a different time. Call it strategic avoidance. It’s useful when you a dreading making a phone call to someone who is absent. You have planned the conversation but you don’t know how they will respond. So you keep worrying about this, filling every quiet moment with ‘what if’s’. The call just needs to be made, but unfortunately they are not available. When using a valid distraction, it’s crucial to consider:

• The level of concentration required in an activity and
• The level of importance of the activity.

Both of these issues can overlap. Consider when you come home from work and have finished with the evening’s essentials. Anxiety could easily take over the remaining evening, so how will you fill that time? Having a number of projects can offer you options. It’s for you to decide if the crossword puzzle, night class, DVD, reading book, DIY or any other pastime/hobby fills the criteria. If the activity is routine and trivial, like watching (but not really watching) television, your mind will switch out rather than switch in to the television programme. (This is not always a bad thing, but it is a different process to strategic avoidance). So anxiety and boredom can run alongside each other well. Counter boredom and it will help you when coping with anxiety.  

Coping with anxiety Tips #4: Get talking

Is there any substance in the saying “a problem shared is a problem halved”? If you have a good social circle, it can be a very natural ‘coping with anxiety tip’. Talking to people can help to lift your mood and release your anxiety. You don’t have to be given an action plan of solutions that you take with you and tick off as you deal with each one. It can just be about being placed in a situation where you are talking to someone and they are there listening to you. It can be (ideally) in person, on Skype or even on the telephone, as long as you are connecting in some way with the listener. When you can have a good “natter”, you can offload and unburden your worries and then feel free of them. It’s the emotional attachment to your worries that make them more of an issue than the issues per se. Remember that worries are perceived and only exist in your mind. When the emotion has changed, the problem can be repositioned in your mind. Talking is like unloading your heavy burdens onto someone else who has space in their worry trailer. The listener doesn’t have to be a professional therapist. As long as they are patient with you and seek to understand the nature of your issue, you can benefit from the interaction. And if you feel guilty about taking up their valuable time or “borrowing” from them, you can always return the favour on another occasion. Coping with anxiety can be a two-way exchange. Hypnotherapy consultations involve a hypnotic induction. When exploring the patient’s issues, the early part of the session is a useful opportunity for you to offload and discuss the problems related to your goal. When the situation demands it, I let this cathartic function continue, being aware that it is therapeutic in your overall treatment. It helps to build report and this helps you to be more receptive to my hypnotic suggestions.  

Coping with anxiety Tips #5: Get writing

Writing a letter, but not sending it, is a particularly useful way of coping with your anxiety if you have a more reserved personality. There is evidence to suggest that it is a good platform to actively process and express your feelings but in a passive way. In certain situations, processing them is all that is needed to feel better about them. Writing a (disposable) letter is typically useful for emotions likesuppressed anger, when venting it directly at the person would not be wholly appropriate. When writing a letter, no one needs to be involved in the process unless you choose them to be. So the disposable letter acts as the cathartic release of your raw emotion. You can “get it off your chest” without needing to rant at the other person and then regret it afterwards. With the emotion of anxiety however, the letter does not have to be aimed at anyone in particular. You can address it to your own mind! You recognise that your mind is generating these worries and it is getting you nowhere. So rather than being possessed by it, the letter gives you the opportunity to step outside of the worry and communicate with the anxiety. Consider that in your mind, you can go through internal discussions several times a day. Call it the process of deliberating. When there is a dominant part of you, it is that “voice” that will make the loudest noise. When you are struggling coping with anxiety, anxiety is the most dominant part of your mind. And when you can’t bargain with it, the act of writing the letter strengthens other parts of your mind, giving the writing process more power to discharge your anxiety. There’s a huge difference between dealing with something and suppressing it. By writing a letter in this style, you are acknowledging that your mind’s anxiety is doing the job that it is designed to do (if only a little too well).  You are opening the lid on the anxiety box and releasing it, rather than shutting the lid on it where it usually builds up and returns with a vengeance. When suppressed, the anxiety comes to the surface when you try to relax or it plays through your dreams creating restless sleep. The way you structure the letter further facilitates the cathartic process. Avoid a letter in which you are just expanding your worries. It can drown you in anxiety and be counter-productive. Write the letter in two stages.

1. Acknowledge the negative state. In this case it is anxiety. State the worries and fears you have. Detail them just enough to be able to vent them. State what they are doing to you and how you are reacting to them. Detail some of the symptoms.
2. Reject the negative state and embrace its positive-opposite (antonym). State how you are taking a huge step over to the positive side and succeeding in a more favourable place. With anxiety the opposite could be relaxation, calmness, peacefulness, confidence, contentment or assurance. State what the positive side is doing for you, how it is empowering you to act and how you are making significant changes to your life.

What you write is down to your own imagination. Before starting, just give your mind a few moments to meditate, letting the negative energy of the emotion surface before you spill the beans and then modify the emotion. Here’s an example: “Dear Anxiety, (Stage 1) thank you for informing me about (the worry) in this very fictitious way. I am aware of your role in my mind and of the importance of this (worry). I appreciate how I have previously suffered with (the worry) and how it is feeding your presence. But waiting until I am desperate is a low tactic. (Stage 2) You see, I have had enough of (the symptoms) and being deceived by your ‘what-ifs’. They don’t materialise anyway. It’s time to let you go. I’m moving in with (confidence) and it is inspiring me to take action. I am already feeling calmer. My breathing has slowed and today I am going to (intentions). I am in control and have realised that my choices are now running the show.” This is just a short example of the letter format. Be as open and expressive as you want. Remember that it is not being sent to anyone unless you choose it to be. I suggest that the next day, shred it as a final virtuous act. I would consider the process of letter writing as a good precursor to a hypnotherapy consultation. In many ways it is a visualised rehearsal for something that you would like to take place, but it may not be appropriate at that particular time. I would value it as a practical self-hypnosis activity. In my hypnotherapy consultations, I have used this letter writing activity as a visualised therapeutic exercise when my patient struggling when coping with anxiety.  

Coping with anxiety tips: Hypnotherapy summary

These practical ‘coping with anxiety tips’ are active ways in which you can release your mind from anxiety and the associated physical tension that is generated from it. When you can incorporate these activities into your lifestyle, they will reduce your awareness of anxiety. You can feel more relaxed and feel fitter. Coping with anxiety is an on-going process. As you would expect, a hypnotherapy course would have a much deeper impact on certain types of anxiety. A hypnotherapy course can help you to relax whilst being in a highly suggestible state. It can help plant techniques that have a lasting impression on your thinking. Hypnotherapy can also help you to reframe sensitising events that are influencing your anxiety.  

For further information on coping with anxiety in Cardiff using hypnotherapy, contact Hypnotherapy Cardiff